A Tense Relationship

Yesterday I facilitated one of the most moving sessions I’ve had in a very long time.

From what I heard, before arriving at the dialogue session, with the purpose of constructing, the interaction between participants has been demanding.

So much, they were really uncomfortable in the process of working with each other.

Some point that had contributed to this social system of boss-collaborator was so difficult is that both of them have really different lifestyles, they belong to different cultures, they need to collaborate with each other dealing with a distance of more than 10,000 km and they have really different life experiences. With all this, it seemed just like opposites, diverse and little consensus.

The session was planned for 60 minutes and it ended up lasting 80 and every second of it was worth it. I won’t share anything of the content of the session, that belongs to the client, either will I share the structure of the dialogue, because this time what comes in handy is the phrase the collaborator said at the end of the session. And that invited me to reflect on how far/close are many organizations leaders to begin a collaborated construction.

Value and Contribution from Autonomy

The basic premise of dialogue as said by the Theory of Blumenstein. Is that every participant in a dialogue has the same value. This means that it doesn’t matter if in the table is the CEO and the operative, for dialogue effects. Moreover, their places on the social system, both human beings deserve to be treated with dignity and to contribute to the system because they take part in it. Therefore, contributions from both parts are equally valuable and welcome. And the form most allow this to happen.

And the second fundamental premise is that: for a dialogue orientated to building you have to “talk with the heart” or, as Michael Blumenstein said, “not mess around with others’ tomatoes” . So, instead of saying “you’re too exigent” you can say “I feel too demanded from you”.

First thing is MY judgment over the other and their feelings expressed in a way that the other takes responsibility for his part. This means, that even when we think that the other one has the responsibility or doesn’t have it, in reality, is the meaning qué other one has directed to me or not, that determines that I feel “demanded” or not.

When I express it in other terms “you are demanding” I’m not responsible of my contribution to the social construction; when I express it in terms of “as an experiment” that behavior of “I feel demanded” I become responsible of myself and of what I need to build, and even like that I want to build.

This is really challenging because it implies the responsibility of our autonomy and our responsibility in the co-construction and many times we aren’t willing because we don’t know how because we enter in abandonment and we forget our sufficiency in life and the situations that it brings.

Dialogue

So, with this two premises, we began the dialogue. As in my experience as much as the bonds are hurting; if the participants are willing, they keep the premises and the form so it becomes easy.

So, in the minute 60 they’ve made agreements, laughed, shares meanings based on culture, idiosyncratic and experience.

When the process came to an end, I asked them to share something that had been especially valuable in their conversation.

And the collaborator closed with a faded that broke my heart. “I want to thank you for this space because there aren’t many CEO’s that present an exercise like this.”

Many CEO’s, leaders, executives still think that dialoguing with people is a waste of time, they are the ones who know. And they feel that they out their power at risk and their position.

And many others, start to discover the force of dialogue, the capacity of construction from a collective and the quality of wellness that emerges from autonomy and personal responsibility.

Where do you look? Do you think you are the one who’s right? Do you feel your position at risk when you listen to others alternatives? Do you like to look at the others as equals and you discover in the others valuable contributions from their perspective to increase the probability of plentiful life and job, business and shared relationship?