
You’re a such a moron!
This week I’ve heard this quote in different social systems. In a coffee talk, said in a “tender” manner while we talk about a mutual friend’s decisions.
In politics, when among opposing parties they talk about the other candidate (or to the interlocutor) facing the arguments and perspectives they offer.
I’ve heard among bosses, collaborators, and equals, obviously talking about ‘others’. In some cases, I’ve hard women talking about their husbands, ex-husbands, or their children’s father. The funny thing is I’ve never heard men talking like that about their ex-wifes, but I’ve heard men talking about women driving.
A lot of businessmen use this to talk about their children when they start managing the business in a second or third generation.
I can think of a single Mexican who hasn’t use this phrase at least one in his/her life. In his/her mind, or maybe just received it.
Those of us who’ve said this about others, or about their behaviors. Is it really like this?
Every Time I Call Someone a “Moron”, I’m Talking About Myself!
We all have the idea that when we say this kind of things we are talking about others. We’ll be surprised to know is not like that. Actually, we are talking about ourselves.
What we express with this phrase is that we consider the other is doing something wrong, making a mistake, or that he/she should do it differently.
And it is so obvious the right way to do it that there’s no way for he/she to behave so opposite to how it is supposed to be done unless he/she is a moron, in other words, a fool, or has no experience.
How do I get to this conclusion? Because in front of whatever is going on I would have made, say, thought something different. Maybe the exact opposite. But I don’t question ‘my own behavior’ because it’s mine.
As I am a person with a certain analysis capacity, whether it is logical or not, at least in that one subject ‘I know how it’s done’, I feel I have the right to point out how ‘stupid’ others are.
In this scenario, we easily forget that our logics facing a certain situation, ‘is not the only one’, ‘is not the correct one’, ‘is not the best’, ‘is not the truth’, … it’s only ‘ours’.
And it is based on our experience, our knowledge, our social interactions, our education.
Most of this we weigh them socially and we ‘assume’ that someone with a degree has a greater capacity for making decisions. Or his/her thoughts are ‘more logical’. The truth is, it’s not like that. It only means that he/she ‘most likely will react like a certain social group, facing a certain context, under certain circumstances’, namely, statistics and trends, neither truth or unquestionable realities.
What Can We Do Then?
In order to answer this question, from the Blumenstein Theory perspective, you need to ask yourself a different question: What do you want to achieve? What’s your purpose? What do you want to build?
If what you’re trying to do is showing you disagree with someone’s behavior and you want to devalue it because underneath you are feeling devalued… clearly saying “you are a moron” seems like a great option.
But if you work together, live together, teach together, this contribution will promote a relationship that will almost certainly be not enriching for anyone. So you can take some other choices:
1. Explore which was his/her logic before evaluating it. I can assure you that 100% of people had a logic that makes sense in their world.
2. You can invite to focus on the purpose first of all. Most of the time we fight because we believe what we want is clear, and most of the time is not like that.
3. And finally, the most trustable choice, at least from my perspective, ask yourself “What happens to you with whatever is happening that you need to devalue someone?” Maybe you’re worried, maybe you’re trying to take care of the result, maybe, maybe, maybe. And usually is more useful to say “I’m worried about the result” than “you’re a moron”.
Learning how to build together, that’s what we do at Visión Sistémica based on the Blumenstein Theory ®. Would you like to learn with us?
No comment yet, add your voice below!