“I’m sorry about my contribution. I’ll try to make it different. And I’m inviting you to make a choice and go with decision number three…”

Decisions One and Two
At Visión Sistémica we believe that humans weren’t designed to communicate. At least not how they taught us. Our brain is like a maximum security vault that keeps all of our sensations, ideas, memories, lessons, etc. And we are the only ones who can access it. We call this vault, Reality Construction System.
This System is isolated from our environment, but it uses our body, hands, voice, expressions to communicate with others and with our surroundings. The Behavior System is in charge of translating this information and take it back to the world.
Our only warehouse is our mind, our only way of expressing or relating is our body. The first thing we need to do when we want to express ourselves is choosing the ‘file’ we want to share from our storage. We call this decision number one.
Then we choose a form. The packaging. Our words, tone, and whether we are including jokes or swear words or not. Based on what we believe will work better for a determined person and context. We usually don’t offer a beer to our friend or our father-in-law in the same way. We call this decision number two.
The Great Uncertainty of Decision Number Three
I hope everything is clear until now. Sounds easy right? Choosing what to say and how to say it. What can be complicated about this? What happens is that decisions one and two are in my hands. I choose this because I believe it will work. Or I would make a different choice.
The thing is decision number 3 is not my choice. Our receptor is in charge of decision number three.
Our receptor can understand the addition of this two with 95% accuracy or with 5%. And none of this results depends on me. The more you know someone, the more accurate your contributions have been in the past, the better the results will be. And still, this guarantees nothing. Your colleague might get upset at your daily humorous greeting if he/she is not having a good day. The consequences of forgetting to mention your wife’s new haircut might be worse if she has the flu. How others interpret my decisions, is 100% their responsibility. And we can’t control this at all.
So, whose fault is it? Theirs or mine?
The correct answer is none. If we make these decisions all the time, we can always make a change.
The funny thing is if someone makes decision number three, is because I offered combo one plus two. If everything works just fine, my next combo should be easy. But what if everything went wrong? Here is where we go back to the beginning of this article.
“I’m sorry about my contribution. I’ll try to make it different. And I’m inviting you to make a choice and go with decision number three…”
Relationships, constant circles of one, two and three choices, are a try and fail experiment. And probably the best thing you can do is say “Sorry, that’s not what I intended. Perhaps, if I change one and two, you’ll change your three. Give me another chance and let’s see what happens.” They told us that when we talk others understand. And through all of our adult life, we’ve heard about ‘assertive communication’ because of our belief that others get what we are saying. This model might be more challenging (I’m not clear?) however if you open your mind and practice, we believe you can improve your communication trials.
The only condition for this to work is for BOTH parts to be genuinely interested in experimenting, trying, and making mistakes together until they found the proper one, two, three that will help them build what they want.
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