
I think that on this question there are many, many answers. Again, it depends specifically on the facilitator’s style, form, and reality construction frame, so I would like to share some of the many possibilities that exist.
One of those possibilities has to do with the idea of ‘you already constellated, do not talk to anyone about it and do nothing until at least 30 or 40 days have passed’.
Most people working with the constellation style of Bert Hellinger recommend this to you. The reason is very simple, as for them the process is mystical and everything has to do with the spirit and destiny and all these things, then the idea is that, somehow, even if you have not understood anything, even if you feel so confused, because the intention is you let the spirit accommodate in your spirit, whatever the content of the constellation.
Some other people, for example, when you finish a constellation, tell you to please do not make decisions, or do anything. The idea starts from the premise that you can surely be so emotionally moved, or so confused, or so, or so, or so, that then maybe you would not make the best decisions.
Particularly I could tell you in both conditions my experience is completely different.
I know a lot of people that the first thing they need to do after going to a constellation is to talk about what they saw, what they heard, what they felt, what happened to them, what doubts they have. And the reason is very simple, every human being is different; each human being, once again, uses different forms to construct reality.
I have seen that many people when they talk about the process of their constellation, find a lot, a lot more information.
I remember a boy for whom I accompanied a process. The constellation was so shocking to him that from the moment he got into the car (while I giving him a ride to his house) and until the very moment he got off, he did not stop talking about everything that happened to him during the process.
A few weeks or months later he told me that he was not really talking to me, but rather that he needed a present witness who could listen to his internal conversations and his internal dialogues from what he observed.
In the subject, for example, of decision-making, I share a case of my own. Many years ago, when I was about to close a relationship, which was then important to me, I remember that what I observed through the constellation left me very moved. The facilitator told me “do not go making any decision” and I coming out of the constellation, as if they had told me the opposite, I went home and I told the good man “it’s over, I have nothing else to do here, I do not believe you and I have a future”. Today I could tell you, almost fourteen years later, that this is one of the best decisions I have ever made.
If I had listened to the constellator and had chosen that she would decide in my life, or give her the power of decision, I would have stayed in a relationship that was absolutely not healthy for me.
There are other people who tell you that when you do a constellation it is more than enough and there are some others that tell you that when you do a constellation that is just a process that requires therapeutic support. Again, none of the therapists is right. That decision can only be taken by you as a customer.
If to you the process of a constellation gave you clarity and allowed you to reconnect with your enoughness and your autonomy to live your own life and you know what next steps to give, then a constellation is enough.
In my viewpoint, when we work in constellations from the Blumenstein perspective, this happens a lot and the reason is very simple, we work towards the future and focused on the possibilities and opportunities that open to that future.
But it can also happen that after a constellation process you feel that it is not enough, that you need some other kind of accompaniment, then it is as simple as asking for it, which can be a process of coaching, therapy. What do you need? Because at the end of the day the responsibility of your life as a human being is exclusively yours.
So I already constellated and then what?
You have the answer. You feel comfortable, uncomfortable, complete, you feel that you are missing something; It was adequate, it was not adequate; You found valuable information, you lacked. You feel that although you have valuable information, you need an accompanying process to take the following steps; only you have the decision.
You want to talk to someone, you do not want to talk to someone. You want to share what happened, you do not want to share it. You want to ask about your constellation, you do not want to ask at all. Those are decisions that only you can take.
From our viewpoint there is no single right or wrong action. The only human being who can know what is right or wrong, once a constellation process ends for oneself, is himself or herself.
In this sense my invitation would be to ask: and I, what do I need?.
I constellated, and then? What I feel, what I need: support, conversation, silence, distance, closeness, new steps, another process, a time for reflection.
Or maybe I have clarity of action and then I can make decisions. What is it that you need?
The answer you get, I think, is the correct answer.
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