By Katia Ibáñez

That’s the question I ask myself when something doesn’t go as I expected. When the present circumstances don’t correspond to what I had planned and I start feeling frustrated, sad, angry, lost or all of the above at once.

Damn it. Once again, life isn’t accommodating to my plans. The world doesn’t comply to my necessities and everyone else, still don’t act exactly as I wish they would.

You would think that after these many years I would have gotten used to it. The reality is that I haven’t, I keep reacting with anger and frustration when my plans, ideas and expectations stay as that. More often that I would like. It’s also true that every time its less frequent. The frustration and annoyance have transformed into reminding myself that:

A — Getting angry or annoyed has little possibilities of solving something or nothing.

B — I always, always, always have options to face of my present circumstances.

With this article we initiate a series of four reflections in which we’ll explore these alternatives that according to Blumenstein Theory, each and everyone of us have when different circumstances that life throws at us to our face.

Change is the first option I’ve got. Changing the situation, changing the current circumstance means that I have to ask myself, is there anything I could do to contribute to make the situation more comfortable for me? More manageable?

If the answer is yes, then I need to identify if the action needed lies directly within my power or if I need help from someone else.

For example, I don’t like how the painting I just hang looks like. So, I can adjust it, move it or even take it down. Or if I find myself in a restaurant and the French fries I ordered without ketchup came with ketchup, I need the help of the waitress to bring me up another order of French fries without ketchup.

The answer may be “I don’t know”. Then it seems that I need additional information to find out if it is within my reach or not.

For example, if I want to reschedule a reunion, I couldn’t possibly know if it’s possible or not, until I ask if the agendas of everyone attending are empty at that specific day and time.

Just because the question is self-directed and the answer individual, that doesn’t necessarily imply that taking it to action needs just one person to do it.

Finally, there’s a third possible answer. No. Change is not in my hands and it’s not possible to ask anyone for help to change it. It’s not about misinformation, no means that there’s no way to affect the situation, to generate something different.

For example: The hairdresser cut your hair too much. Neither you nor her, can change it, at least not at the moment. Or if your mother is diagnosed with Alzheimer, you can’t do anything to change this condition, not now or later.

If your answer to the question, is there something I can do to contribute to make the situation more comfortable for me? is “yes”, then do it. If it is “I don’t know”, then look for more information until you reach “yes” or “no”. And when is “no” then new opportunities open up, from which you can chose depending on your current situation.

We´ll talk about that on our next articles.

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