From judging to not judging, from not judging to multi-judging to… my judgement is only mine.

The “no judgement” master who was full of judgement.

Maybe it’s been seven years since I had this conversation, but I remember it as if it was yesterday. I was walking in the beach in Plencia with Asier Gallastegui.

We were talking about us. I was exploring why was he was mad at me, or at least I felt he was.

The answer he gave me was maybe the only answer I didn’t expect. “The thing is that you behave as if you knew everything, you always have an answer, you always have an explanation, you always have the truth… You are full of judgement!!!”

Uff! Telling the “no judgement” master that I was full of judgement was as if somebody punched me in the stomach. That was what I shared when I taught organizational and familiar constellations! That was what made me fall in love with that methodology!

Honestly I don’t really remember much about the conversation after that, just that I felt really bad, apologized and my hole world moved.

Judgement and I

Judgement has been a meaningful topic since I was born. I grew up in an environment were life was divided in right and wrong. I was okay with that, until I noticed that the people that preach about what was right did many wrongs.

At the same time, I noticed that many people that were pointed as “wrong” behaved as what it seemed to me as “more right”, even more than the ones that preached about what’s right. That started a conflict in me.

After having a crisis when I was 19, caused by not wanting to marry someone that was chosen for me, I felt the reject of the community I grew up with and found a warm welcome among the “wrong”. Wonderful people, in my construction, that didn’t preach about perfect lives. That really worked for me and allowed me to have a great journey of discovery.

In that journey I studied many amount of religions and philosophy’s, oriental and occidental. A lot of proposals about energy, healing, esotericism, and shamanism. I got involved in many therapeutic processes and psychotherapeutic certifications, studied every amount of theory’s until I fell in love with the human brain ant it’s functioning, studying what know a days is called fancily “neuroscience” while 25 years ago it was only the study of the brain. I got certified in any amount of coaching methodologies, business strategies, and I practically found the same thing in all of them: People “preaching” about the truth while in their everyday life had different behaviors away from that truth.

In other words, people judging others for living in a certain way, even though those same people didn’t lived as they preached. I was curious about that! I needed to understand why we humans function like that. I used to ask myself: Is there any theory that explains this?

Constellations and judgement

When I discovered the constellations methodology , I found the same thing, at least I discovered that there was an answer to why does the previous situation happens -Loyalties!- and a way of making it different. It seemed as if we followed three basic principles: order, belonging and balance, and if we recognized the origin and honor the destiny, everything would change.

Everything was wonderful for seven years, until I started questioning. As I got more involved and closer to the origin, I got to the conclusion that then again it was the same thing. It was hard for me to understand why in the associations and institutions that promoted constellations and the teachers that taught them, the behavior was so judgmental, devastating -from my point of view- it was like in that little religious community I grew up in. It was hurtful to see the “Yes-with-love-to-life” approach showing so little love themselves.

A ray of light in the middle of my helplessness

Absolutely disenchanted from any theoretical or philosophical proposal, I started to ask myself, what would my professional path leads to?

I have the awful defect of not doing anything if I don’t consider it useful, even if that means commercial suicide. I´ve taught many things that in their moment I thought were useful — I still believe that in some way — and none of those answer my question original question: What makes humans do things that aren’t consistent with what they preach or want? What makes us judge toughly the outside and go easy on ourselves?

Then Michael and I decided to share our lives. And I lived with him. That man was the most consistent human being that I’ve seen in my life. Expressed by me and every person that got to know him, at least for the time I knew him.

His behavior was what caught my eye, his consistency woke my curiosity and finally, the proposal we developed together gave an answer to my questions. With Blumenstein Theory I understood why we all decide on something and do something different. Why is this behavior useful and how even when Im not responsible for the behaviors of others I do contribute to them.

Nowadays I don’t argue with judgements, I know they are mine, and I also know that when I say something and do something different, there was another element that changed my judgement, even if it was in a fraction of a second.

I also don’t argue with other’s judgements, specially about me, because I know they aren’t really about me, but about the others ant their reality construction.

In Blumenstein Theory we call judgements reality constructions. Because Blumenstein theory gives us clarity about how they are made, how we construct them and how from them we see a “reality”. And how with this way of seeing thing we can make us responsible of ourselves, of what we think and our behavior.

Also, from this understanding we can construct with others.

And in both cases there is no ideal to reach. Blumenstein Theory describes only the structure, the processes of how we judge, why and what we can do with it. And how we are free to use them or not to live a better life, because it’s a choice.

And so, I found what explains everything that I didn’t understood before, and it gave me the possibility to understand it with love, kindness and compassion. It allowed me to find a way to live in a world where there are behaviors I consider horrible and find how to contribute to them from a good place. That’s why I chose Blumenstein Theory, because todayI have found a way to live in peace in the same world I had never found the way to do so.

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